Frustrated

WARNING: the following content may annoy, offend or sound obnoxious to some readers. Readers discretion is advised.

I feel like everything in my life is falling apart. I feel like I'm drowning. Satan is trying to destroy everyone that has any goodness in them and I'm seeing it everywhere! I hate this and I'm not going to just be quiet about this! Eternity is being looked at like a joke! Covenants and commitments seem to mean such little to people now. I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction and I just want peace! I want to know things will be okay! I want to know I am going to be okay. I am constantly being tested right now and I know so many other people are to but I am being selfish right now and talking about me. I trust people to tell me the truth and I am being misled or lied to left and right. Why can't this all just let up and things start going right? I don't know who I can trust with my real HONEST good, bad and ugly feelings. I want to feel like I'm not a burden when I need a shoulder to cry on! I don't want lip service! I want safety. I feel like such a burden to everyone around me with my health going to hell again and my life feeling like chaos is normal. It's been 6 months since Alvaro has had a contract! I'm stressed! I get my hopes up just to have them smashed. I am not bitter towards my maker and I promise I KNOW He is watching out for me and knows my heart. It's all just sooooo hard right now. And to top it off I want to smack some sense into people. I want them to realize their actions are HURTING so many people! Sooooo many! I am trying to focus on the eternal aspect and I do a pretty good job at it... usually. I think I just had one too many things happen that this last one tonight, was too much. I know that a few of you reading this are going to be upset or feel like I wrote some of my feelings about you. And yes, some of them ARE about you, I wish you knew how much I love you and are concerned about you. I want you to be happy and joyful. Not only now but eternally. That's what I have to say about that, now I'm done. Take it or leave it. This is me being honest.