So, yesterday, Alvaro had a Dr's appointment... I know... weird huh?... it wasn't me... well, this Dr.'s appointment was short and sweet and to the point and 5 minutes later... Alvaro's having surgery next Wednesday. It's an hour long procedure and will be in an outpatient facility, and recovery time is a day or so.
So... why am I saying that this is Surreal? Well... this is the surgery we've been anticipating and fearing and hoping and praying and nervous about and blah blah blah EVERY emotion... this will be determining the rest of our lives. Without saying anything too much.. this will be the "final hope" of us having me get pregnant. I am so scared, excited, emotional, hopeful, fearful, overwhelmed and feel like I'm in an alternate universe. This is it!
After talking to my 2 life supports (Mom and Steph) I know that I can't place all my eggs (hehehehe) in a basket. We will all stay positive, but if this doesn't work then it's off to talks about adoption. I really want a baby that we made, I want to experience pregnancy and all its trials and joys. I want to experience labor and birth. I want ALL of those things that I've seen my family and friends experience. I just hope this works. I cannot be devistated if this doesn't work out the way we want it to.
I know that me getting pregnant also will be a little more challenging because of my fibromyalgia. I know it'll be difficult to do a lot of what goes along with pregnancy, but really, I would be more than grateful to sacrifice all of my comfort to have that experience.
I keep on thinking back to a General Conference several years ago where I don't know who it was, but someone was talking about how "God remembered Rachel". I want God to remember Tiffanie... I want to bring a life to this Earth, even just one. I know I'm not going to be perfect or close to it, but I have enough love in my heart to be the best I can be.
I don't want to have my heart broken anymore... I know a lot of you can relate to the feeling of thinking you may be pregnant... then waiting... then waiting... then nothing. I don't want to feel that way anymore... I just don't. I want this so badly but I'm trying to not get my hopes up at the same time.
I know I'm being selfish, but please... PLEASE... pray for Alvaro's surgery to go perfectly and that we can start our family we've prayed for for so long... and please bare with me while we wait...
7 comments:
Asking for prayers on your behalf is not being selfish! You are a super lady, and I hope for the very best for you and your hubby. I am certain God knows what is best for you both, and He is mindful of you.
Loves!
This landed right on my heart, Ms. Tiff :) Your prayer is my prayer too, and I sincerely hope you are blessed with that experience you desire. Either way, you will be a blessing to a child somewhere in this world :)
You both will be in my prayers!! Also, a good friend of mine with fibromyalgia is now 4 months pregnent... so it is possible... and doable!!!! Keep me posted!
Aww, Tiffanie. I know God remembers you always. Trials are always tough no matter what stage of life you are in. I remember being single and all my friends were long married and I sometimes felt like "Why wouldn't God want me to be married? I'd make a great wife to someone!" I know God does want you to have children and that you will be a fantastic mom someday. I'm sorry you are going through this. You are always in my prayers!
I will send all my positive thoughts your way! However this roller coaster turns out you will have the joy of raising a child and all those fun times that will come with it!
Hey Tiff! so the surgery is tomorrow? Maybe I read the post wrong...:) Best of luck, you're in our prayers, Cute Lady!
My heart goes out to you Tiff! I will pray for you and Z. One way or another you will be a mother and you will be fantastic!
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